A note to those concerned: I do not presently have a beard of any sort. I am a clean-shaven, upstanding member of society, who does not recreationally use drugs and only drink socially. I have only ever been associated with the nation of islam as part of a practical joke in basic training (which I [...]

In General: 10. I have fantastic taste in music which spans many genres. 9. I am a fanatical user of FreeBSD which allows me to hax0r at will. 8. I can write a good short story in one night. 7. I drink single-malt Scotch Whiskey. 6. My beard has magical properties, mostly when in contact [...]

I just ordered my tickets for THE BONNAROO MUSIC FESTIVAL — yet another reason I am Awesome Beyond Belief. Edit- I just got word: The BAT will be in full force at this wonderful event (less Marty, that is). Victory is the only reasonable action at this point. Cynanide capsules to be issued at 0645 [...]

5. I actually said “Why, I ought to punch you.” to a girl in the bar once. She was married but that’s not the point. The point is I have no ability to think of something that’s actually smooth when trying to pick up a girl. 4. I said, “An open box of condoms? Where?” [...]