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Echoes and Mirrors» Blog Archive » and so it goes

and so it goes

I lost my debit card. The girl decided to call it off before it began (whew, in a way). I got lost in downtown Atlanta. I cannot register for classes until tomorrow. Basically, today blew.

I’ve decided that this ‘everything happens for a reason’ crap is just that: crap. Things happen as a series of events spurred by needs and desires. There is quite a bit of random factoring involved and things out of your control. Sometimes they are for the better, and often for the worse, but they do not happen because the universe wants them to. The universe does not want anything for us, good, bad or in between.

However, ‘when it rains, it pours’ is apt and seems to happen to me at least twice a year, usually confined to a week. These weeks are hell but they save me from getting fucked over in later days.

They say to me, you bastard, you’d better fucking own up to this shit. I drink my scotch and smile -I don’t deny anything. I’d just prefer to leave it untouched. I can dig into that box of mysteries on my own, in privacy and I’m sure I’ll find the faults that rest at the bottom. Some are mine and some are yours, and let’s face it: we both tried to get one over. Take the hit and get back to the grind. Whining won’t help, and you know the shitstorm will be over soon. That’s how I get through the day. I sit patiently and analyze those perceptions that, while probably warped and fuzzy, have led me to follow the path I have. The signs are easy, but decisions are not. I fucking hate compromise. It’s what you do when you can’t win. I would rather walk away from a situation entirely, remove myself from the scene and act like it never happened.

And the bombs still fall, regardless of the clouds or the sirens or the peoples’ cries for help. They will always fall because it’s part of the weather now. Gunfire is poorly controlled lightening. Priaprism is not only a funny word, but also something that cannot be stopped with even the most fervent masturbation. That’s why you just weather the storm. You stop, breath, and realize that it’s fucking normal. It’s not intentional. Life doesn’t fuck you over to teach you a lesson -although lessons can exist even in the smallest blade of grass -it just fucks you over because that’s its nature. Like the scorpion that asked for a ride across the river.

Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you. That’s what the Platoon Sergeant always said before something happened, good or bad. Predominately bad, as is the nature of that work, but the fucking goal, the one everyone always seemed to miss was that we should be constantly working towards doing the fucking rather than being fucked.

I study people in order to better take advantage of them. Metaphorically speaking, I am a con-artist and a thief. Sometimes, I get nicked too, though. The cause is inattentiveness.

I closed my eyes, and today happened.

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