17 Young Men Dead In ‘Horrific’ Downtown Cougar Attack

Police said 17 men, ages 21 to 28, were killed in a horrendous cougar attack early Sunday morning in Richmond’s Shockoe Slip. The matured cats appear to have migrated into the city from the suburbs, targeting dozens of attractive and mostly intoxicated young men.

Richmond Police Chief Bryan T. Norwood said the victims were seen earlier in the evening taunting the cougars with plates of raw deer meat, the scents of various musky colognes, and the display of numerous wild cat-calls that only made the felines more vicious.

“This was a senseless tragedy that was, unfortunately, something that could have been prevented with proper training on how to act when one comes face-to-face with a full-grown cat,” Norwood said. “Cougars, alcohol, and young men are a dangerous
mix.”

As a survivor of cougar attacks, I urge you all to heed these warnings. Anything can seem like a good idea after a few drinks.

Tip: use the cougar’s attraction to you to garner attention from younger hotties – women are driven by jealousy and competition. Don’t say I never offered any useful advice here.

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