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Echoes and Mirrors» Blog Archive » This guy is bitter. Don’t be this guy.

This guy is bitter. Don’t be this guy.

How to Succeed at Sex Without Really Trying

I’m not going to quote the snide bitterness and cut right to the hilarious bits:

1. Never, ever, be friends with a girl. You want to avoid the “friends zone.” You want to be in the “no-friends zone.” Have no friends.

Sarcasm does not suit you, my friend. It’s quite alright to be in the friend zone with a girl, so long as you realize it and don’t care. If you aren’t sure, figure it out. If you are and aren’t cool with that, don’t be friends any more. Simple.

2. Dress flamboyantly. This is called “peacocking.” It adds to your intrigue if you are, for example, wearing a top hat. You always want to keep girls guessing whether that lacy black button-down is yours or your boyfriend’s.

Peacocking works because as human animals, just like any other animal are intrigued by shiny objects. Being noticed by others for any reason interests them. You’re an idiot.

3. Play hard to get. If a woman ever approaches you, ignore her completely. This is the only way to win her respect. And whatever you do, don’t ever go all the way. If you want to get laid, getting laid is the worst thing you could do for yourself.

Being aloof does not mean what you seem to think it means.

4. Be a douchebag. Making fun of things proves you are a man of greater value. Wait a minute …

Actually, despite the fact that you don’t like it, yes it does.

I personally don’t care for acting ‘zany’, peacocking, or being obnoxious. Being reserved and only speaking when I have something meaningful to say has worked well for me – and I tend to ignore whether or not the company I am in will approve or agree with me. Yes, I am always right.

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