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Echoes and Mirrors» Blog Archive » Movie Review: Teeth (2007)

Movie Review: Teeth (2007)

Seriously, the world needed a horror flick about Vagina Dentata.  Teeth is that movie. I’ve mentioned Vagina Dentata before and it should come as no surprise that I found this movie to be a gold-mine of vagina-related jokes.  Truly, the world has been waiting for a movie about a cooter with the disposition of a dingo hidden inside the pants of an abstinence cheer-leader.  Yes, purity rings make their appearance and then some.

And after it bit the damn thing off, it spits it out.  You see the poor deflated fucking thing sitting on the rocks.  The guy, in fear of losing a finger or a hand fled, leaving it behind.  Poor Toby.  The moral of the story is that if you try to rape girls, their vaginas will bite your dick off.  Simple yet effective.

The movie is campy, but it’s also original.  And disturbing beyond measure to any guy who likes being a guy.  Vagina Dentata is fucking real.  There is a condition that causes women to grow teeth in their happy-holes.  And no guy likes the idea of losing his cock.  This goes into realms beyond any sort of mutant beast or ghost or deranged serial killer could dream of.  This movie threatened not just me, but also my genitals.

And we can all agree that my genitals are worth more than anything to anyone.

And that makes this movie truly frightening.

3/5 stars.

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